Poetry

Reuters photo

 

By

Rimli Bhattacharya

 

 

 

Me – The Abused Youth

 

 

Did I say I have grown?

Must be –

As my mother asked me to be careful of touches.

 

Did I say I have grown?

Must be –

As my best friend groped me without my consent.

It was the festival of colors which

I had been playing with him since I was a little girl;

But today

His hands painted my breasts and

I stopped playing with him anymore.

 

Did I say I have grown?

Must be –

As my own teacher forced himself on me;

I had celebrated my fifteenth birthday

He said I wasn’t a juvenile

And

I stopped going for tuition to him anymore.

 

Did I say I have grown?

Must be –

As I married someone against the wishes of my family.

I was twenty and

He left me to die

In that house where he had caged me

I was a victim of his mental demons

And

I chose to be a single woman not married anymore.

 

Did I say I have grown?

Yes I have.

For I refuse to be wasp waisted for a man anymore.

For I refuse to have slender eyebrows for a man anymore.

For I refuse to have syrup sweet lips for a man anymore.

For I refuse to have a glossy skin for a man anymore.

For I refuse to have a soothing voice for a man anymore.

 

My youth –

I have surrendered to Him who had

Seen me weeping helplessly

I had no one to hold my hands.

But

There He came and

Lifted me from the dungeons of my abused youth.

 

I am free and now

I am Maya the illusion of my

Abused youth who is not naïve anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

For Lucifer and my mother

 

 

There I stood, my spirit had left

When I saw Lucifer –

 

I stepped on the ball of fire

The deafening silence stormed my spirit

The spirit which had left me;

 

“Is this atonement Lucifer?” – I asked

He did not reply, but stared

I sniffled like a child

I seized my ragged doll.

 

I saw Lucifer –

 

I wailed for my mother

My mother who had died a hundred years back;

My silver tears

Glittering in the moonlight;

I saw Lucifer –

 

“Is this atonement Lucifer?” – I asked

He did not reply, but stared

The phantom of my mother – I saw

My mother who had died a hundred years back.

 

“Mother why did you die” – I wailed

I saw her with Lucifer

I beckoned them

“Come back, mother, please come back” – I screamed.

 

My spirit had left me, so did my mother

My mother laughed so did Lucifer

They soundlessly clapped their hands

“Come back, mother, please come back” – I screamed.

 

I saw Lucifer –

 

He was burnt, no eyes, no eyebrows

He laughed like he saw the funniest thing;

He growled, his teeth like wolf

He walked closer to me without taking a step.

 

I saw Lucifer –

 

“Come back, mother, please come back” –

I squawked

She had died hundred years back

She won’t come now

I will join her soon.

 

I screamed with my mouth twisting to a guttural laugh

 

I saw Lucifer, I saw my mother –

 

My spirit left my body

I lay beside my dead mother

My mother whom Lucifer had scraped.

 

 

 

 

 

For My First Love

 

 

I was fourteen when I ached for love;

Then I saw him, I felt that love.

 

I hid behind the shadows of dead souls for I wanted his love;

I wrote a poem sitting on a cactus, it hurt, I felt his love;

That poem I wrote on an eucalyptus leaf, I was madly in love.

 

I saw those dead souls in the middle of my dreams they said “Do not love”

“Stop it, stop it” I screamed at those witches who chased my love.

 

Those spirits stole that leaf, took away my love;

I screamed as I trailed my love.

 

Then I saw him with someone,

Making love.

I wept, my tears spilled blood on my lost love;

I never got that love.

 

The spirits told me “Didn’t we tell you, do not love”

I nodded “Yes you did tell me, but that is love”

 

I was twenty, I saw him again making love;

I walked away, miles away as I never got his love.

 

Those ghosts returned with the eucalyptus leaf, requited my love;

That was my first love, which I saw with my prying eyes making love.

 

 

 

 

 

Rimli Bhattacharya

Rimli Bhattacharya has a degree in Mechanical Engineering and an MBA in supply chain management. Her writing has appeared in several magazines, engineering journals, blogs, the Times of India, and in the anthology Book of Light. She is also a trained classical dancer to genres Kathak and Odissi and is based out of Mumbai, India. She tweets @rimli76.