The Anagogic Banker – Expectation is a great Vice

Joshua Earle photo

By

Siddhartha Rastogi

It’s the third week of January. You are sitting tight in your office chair, waiting for your boss to come and deliver the letter to you. It’s the culmination of that annual ritual of appraisal, feedback, followed by a promotion, salary hike and bonus. This is the year you are very hopeful. Sweat is streaming down your forehead. You did everything this year as your boss suggested, slogged for over 10 hours a day, sometimes even worked weekends. Plus you have been nice to your peers. You planned every minute detail and expectations are high to get the promotion and move in the corner cabin with a good hike. Your boss comes, hands the letter to you, shakes hands firmly and leaves. You open the letter. Your eyes can’t believe what is written on it…

You are a successful businessman, connected with the who’s who of the city across professional lines. People know you as a dynamic human being who helps everyone. Last summer, your best friend needed some money in an emergency as his bank had refused to extend lines of credit in the last minute, you bailed him out. Your third cousin wanted some money to start a new venture and you helped the young boy with money and guidance. Unfortunately, due to a change in regulation, your business has gone down by 60-70% in the last 2 months. Debtors have refused to pay on time and suppliers are standing at your door for their money. Banks, as they always do, have raised their hands refusing to help. Fortunately, you believe and expect that friend you had helped last year will come to your rescue. You call him without informing the condition you are in and seek a meeting. He kindly agrees. You reach on time and give him a warm hug. He welcomes you and both of you start talking about life and business. After a few minutes of general discussion you ask him for a bridge loan. He looks into your eyes and then puts his hands on his chin and looks away from your eyes. You continue to wait for an answer. He remains quiet. You talk more about what happened with you and how the change in policies impacted your business. He is still quiet. You continue waiting. Five minutes after he says…

It’s 10.30 at night. You have come back after a 3-day exhausting business trip with not much success. You have the second key of the house and you enter the house tired and weary. You call out for your spouse. He / she doesn’t answer. You go into the bedroom where you see him / her engrossed in his / her excel sheets with the night lamp throwing light on his / her face. You are very hungry as you had your last meal almost 10 hours ago. You hug him / her from behind, but he / she continues working. You keep your bags and head straight to the kitchen and start looking for food. You call him / her out to check if there is something you can eat or something he / she has cooked for you. You call him / her out again. But there’s no response. You again go to the bedroom hopeful, that s/he might not have heard your voice. You ask for food again. S/he turns, looks at you and gets back to work. You go closer to her and asks him / her again. Finally s/he replies…

Three stories, one answer. Sorry. In other words, “NO.”

We humans like to expect. In fact, any act we tend to do has an expectation riding on it. Funny part in this system of expectation is indifference to the counterparty. In other words, it doesn’t matter whom we are expecting from. It can be family, like mother or father, son or daughter or it can be friends, business partners, acquaintances or even strangers. If you help a stranger find his / her path, you expect a gratification, a gesture, a verbal thank you, else you are cheesed off and label him or her as being rude and impolite.

But life doesn’t work that way. Expectations only increase fear and cortisol levels in our body, which creates stress, unhappiness, problems, subsequently poor health and finally misery and depression.

Why is Expectation a Vice?

Expectation is a feeling that looks outward, outside you. We all know feelings and emotions are within us and are driven by our hormones, by our brain and heart functions. Yet we feel we need others to meet our expectations and that makes us vulnerable. More often than not when expectations are not met, it gives rise to negative emotions like anger, sadness, distrust, vengeance, self-pity, feeling of being used, frustration, etc. These feelings stay with us whilst the person who has let us down moves on. It’s only YOU that suffers.

There is never a situation where expectations are fully met. In life, it’s not possible for anyone to meet each and every expectation every time. In fact once you meet somebody’s expectations, the marginal utility of that expectation goes down and hence the expectation which derives satisfaction moves to the next level. Every time an act is done, expectations move beyond the act and incremental needs arise. Thus constant focus on expectation makes you dependent on others and reduces the functioning of brain.

Moving away from Expectation and following the Principle of Universal Boomerang can transform life.

It simply means that any act you undertake, literally any act through the day for any person known or unknown, without expectations from anyone apart from the Universe, You will get the same back in a much bigger quantum with higher force.

It’s applicable for good as well as for bad. It’s applicable for everything from material objects to feelings.

For example, you help others with money without expecting anything from them; money will flow with a higher force back to you.

You give power to people who work with you or for you, they will give the same power back in a higher degree. In fact they will allow you to rule not only their work but their lives as well. The principle of democracy is based on a similar concept.

On the other hand, if you be rude to one colleague more rudeness will follow your way.

You remain tight fisted and keep holding on to things, you will constantly be scrambling for everything in life.

In Hindi there is an adage, “Nekee kar, dariya mein dal”, which means, do good deeds and put them in the flowing river.

The Anagogic Banker says, “Not only good deeds, but any deed you do, do it without expectations, the Universe will give you back in abundance.”

Siddhartha Rastogi

Siddhartha was born to a learned middle class educated family in Semi Urban India. His father was an extremely honest man who because of his honesty had to pay the price in corporate world. Mother is a determined woman who ensured that children are being well taken care off. After a few years of birth, doctors called Siddhartha, a slow child having flat foot. He would fall more than he could walk. Determined mother ensured all therapies for her son to come out strong to fight the world. Siddhartha joined swimming when he was in 6th standard. Seeing other children of his class, he jumped in 10 feet deep pool and learnt swimming on his own, the very same day.

From that day there was no looking back. He topped his city in 12th and went to score highest in his B school exams. During his profession as banker, he became youngest branch manager of a MNC bank managing their biggest wealth branch in the country. There he found love of his life and got married. His love of his life emerged in the form of his daughter who completely changed him for good.

Siddhartha Rastogi is Director for a boutique Investment bank in India.

Siddhartha is a forward looking thinker & writer who has written a book on decision making. 8 Simple steps to effective decision making.

He writes on various social and current issues via his blog and can also be found on twitter.