All-Mall Concept Partners With Big Coal

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By

Larry Thacker

Southeast Kentucky — Top-ranked Fortune 100 Company AllMart announced plans today for piloting a new concept for stores – the residential AllMall. “We’re particularly interested in trying the concept in rural Appalachia, and equally excited to be partnering with the coal industry – after all, coal keeps our lights on, y’all,” spokesperson Amy Bettering said at today’s press conference. “We can think of no better way of responsibly managing past mining sites in these beautiful mountains. The people deserve what All*Mart can bring them.”

“The idea makes total sense,” Brent Samuelson with the Center for Rural Re-Structuring, commented. “Especially with the declining popularity of rural malls due to All*Mart’s unfortunate impact on local economies, combining the indoor store-to-store mall concept with the company’s supply capability gives consumers the best of both worlds. People will never have to step outside. It’s really incredible.”

The concept includes All*Malls on prior mountaintop removal sites. Harding Leighton, manager of three Legion Acres surface mines in Kentucky, thinks the idea will fly. “This gives us just another opportunity to continue the wonderful reclamation work we’ve respected for so long.”

Rather than one large store, which can often frustrate shoppers in their search for items, there will be indoor open walkways, similar to malls, leading to item specific mini-stores. For example, personal hygiene items will be in one store, similar grocery items in another, and bathroom and kitchen supplies in another, all within a pleasant park-like atmosphere protected from the environment. Additionally, residential units, ranging from one-bedroom studio apartments to three-bedroom condos, will line the outer perimeter of the property and be located at limited spots within the mall itself, giving shoppers All*Mart access within walking distance 24-hours per day. Due to the possibility of protests, several stores may even opt for gated community status.

The first pilot location is scheduled for groundbreaking this spring on the Lone Tree Mountain site above Emptyheaded Hollow in southeast Kentucky. Officials say the published time allotment for public comment has passed.

Larry Thacker

Larry D. Thacker’s poetry can be found in over a hundred publications including Poets Reading the News, American Journal of Poetry, Poetry South, Spillway, Mad River Review, The Southern Poetry Anthology, Mojave River Review, Town Creek Poetry, and Appalachian Heritage. His books include Mountain Mysteries: The Mystic Traditions of Appalachia and the poetry books, Voice Hunting, Memory Train, and Drifting in Awe. His MFA in poetry and fiction is earned from West Virginia Wesleyan College. Visit his website at: www.larrydthacker.com