Ill fitting gloves

Cheryl Winn-Boujnida photo

By

Hazel Speed

There is nothing worse than trying on a pair of gloves only to find that they are a bad and uncomfortable fit.

Some years ago now, I knew a family who were, in all honesty, an incongruous grouping. An ill fit. In my time, friends have told me of their own similar experiences of people they have met.

We often hear of high profile families in the news with various issues and/or difficult situations which beset them, and they too appear (or claim to be) an ill fit within their families.

Regarding the family I referred to, outwardly, they appeared to be quite an average group, with the appearance of being happy, but over time, it could be seen that one of the children was not of the same ilk as their siblings. All the children were, as far as was known at least, all born to their parents, it was a disharmony of personalities, in that one of them was full of cheeky fun and mischief, yet the others gave more of a sense of being repressed, though in actuality they were not being treated in that way by either of their parents.

Years went by, then ironically my path crossed with two of that family again in passing, and I happened to be present when one of the parents, and the cheeky child (who was by then an adult), were discussing what was, on face value, a strange hypothetical issue. Many families make similar statements as a tease, but this family’s exchange of thoughts was more as a serious debate in that it somehow felt as it were unique.

It was being said in fun, but with a measure of truth in it:

Parent: The fact is (name of their adult child), you were born into the wrong family.

The reply to that was: Yes I agree, but I would not swap you. However what type of family do you think I should have been born into?

Note: At this time most people would begin to think ‘should they leave the room’, but I was encouraged to stay and listen, share in the fun, and hear the discussion through, as I was trusted.

Parent retorted to the question:

I could see you in an Estate House enjoying the fine things of life, not to swank, but it is more in tune with your personality and appreciation of the finer things in life. You would have a sense of personal freedom, and be care-free, whereas the life you were born into is hindering that side of you, as our ways and circumstances are quite the opposite, aren’t they?

The offspring agreed, adding that their own personality had a more bohemian side, but said the discussion was academic anyway.

They laughed it off, however, whilst looking at them as an observer, having known them years ago, I could see that they had both hit the nail on the head. They knew the truth of it too, inherently.

Recently I have been reading a book which, although nothing to do with the above story or people, referenced an Estate House which caused me to recall the anecdote, and create a suitable metaphor – ‘ill fitting gloves.’

I also paused to wonder how many people are ill-suited to their birth families, and how odd it seems in many ways.

Unlike couples who separate, there is no such option for incongruous families other than to grow apart, and then try to fulfil their individual lives when such is possible to facilitate.

The sad thing about that is they say, ‘give me a child until they are seven years of age, and I will give you the (future/spiritual) man/woman.’ Originally, it was in reference to educating a child in virtuous ways and beliefs.

I often wonder, because of the above adage, if that bohemian styled offspring ever saw exalted surroundings or actually owned an Estate House. Most of us might like something along those lines – bohemian to be qualified first, no doubt.

Somehow, I do not think their goal would have been achieved, as we may have aspirations, but they are not always realised for everyone. Then again, I might be wrong.

I truly hope they did, however, as they would be fun to be around, and kind. Also, I can just imagine them utilising a long highly polished corridor for playing ten pin bowling along, or enjoying a game of cricket as often depicted in the best TV dramas. I would enjoy that too, given the chance.

Their own children would no doubt be encouraged to grow up as free spirits. One wonders what discussions might emerge between parent and child then. Perhaps, something along the lines of ‘I am so glad I was born into this life style’ (grin). With the reply, ‘Yes, you were certainly born into the right family.’

Makes the former example sound really sad in comparison, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile, I recall the saying:

We may choose our friends,

But we can’t choose our families.

Caveat – the school of thought that we do make that choice pre-birth, when present in what many consider to be Heaven; some say the choice is determined by what route would best facilitate learning via earthly experience. Which somewhat begs the question – how did/do the real bohemians get their wish?(grin).

Hazel Speed

Photo (c) Hazel Speed – used by kind permision to Tuck Magazine

Hazel Speed is a Philosopher, Writer, and Artist with various creative projects at differing stages of development. Her flaship project is an animation which has produced a film short: www.thepinkprofessor.com. She has also written an E-novel, ‘Just Suppose…!‘ which is available via the attached link.

Art sites: www.candystoreart.com, www.terrificart.com, www.artbadges.co.uk