Reuters photo
By
Roshini Shetty
Practical thinking influences us a lot. Our society considers practical thinking to be equal to maturity.
I’m Sanaya, I’m a self-employed fashion designer. I’m getting married in a month’s time, it was an arranged match. I met him through a marriage broker. His name is Amit. I’m fair with sharp features, long straight hair, slim and a perfect molar to molar smile while Amit is dark complexioned with acne filled skin, he is short and fat with an even fatter stomach! He forces himself to wear a low-waist pant due to the obstruction he faces from his stomach!
We are considered a mismatched couple. I agreed to marry him because I’m a very practical and logical person. Though he is not good looking, he is an engineer with a master’s degree who is earning very well, his father is a very rich and a successful businessman, his mother is in civil services and his brother is a highly placed politician. Marrying into a family like this would be beneficial to me in numerous ways.
Though he is not good-looking, I console myself thinking about his gentle and caring nature. He is a good mannered, friendly and warm person. His good qualities out-weigh his only negative quality of not being good looking. I constantly remind myself that good looks are not everything in life.
A week ago my best friend, Rohan got married; we were school friends and neighbours too. We share a good rapport with each other. Rohan has always been a big flirt and a total womaniser. He loved partying and alcohol the most. He changed his girlfriends every month. All his girlfriends were extremely beautiful women, modern, stylish and sophisticated girls. Rohan too was a handsome and a charming guy.
I always thought Rohan would have a love marriage but contrary to my expectation, he had an arranged marriage. His bride was a well-built, tall and dark women who was nowhere in comparison to the many beautiful women he dated. Just like me, Rohan too had agreed to marry her because her father was exceptionally rich.
Marrying her changed his whole life. He was just an unemployed B.com holder but now he is ‘Managing director’ of his father-in-law’s company. He got a five crore property as a marriage gift from his father-in-law! The unemployed, carefree, easy-going guy became well-settled within few days.
I was high on curiosity to find out about his first night experience, since even I was getting married very soon, first night experiences of people had drawn all my attention! I and Rohan met at a restaurant, all my excitement got flushed away listening to his first night story but it forced me to think deeply.
Rohan said, “My wife unclothed in front of me and even kissed me but I was not attracted to her at all. I’m not comfortable with her. It is not that I’m a virgin, I have had my share of affairs with women and most of the women I have dated, I was attracted to them but with my wife it is different, I have never got nor will I ever get physically attracted to her. I just can’t have sex with her.”
I thought, “Even I was never attracted towards Amit, I’m just marrying him for monetary benefits and to be part of a well-known family. May be in a few days’ time I would also be in a similar complex situation as that of Rohan.”
Our society teaches us that it is not looks or richness that matters but character and behaviour of a person is more important, even I whole heartedly agree with it but why is that the few crushes I had were always on guys who were tall, masculine and handsome?
I and Rohan had our own realistic reasons for choosing our life partners but there are a lot many people in our society who are considered not practical like us, they don’t care about looks or richness but marry for the sake of love. So, what is this love? This ‘love’ doesn’t have selfishness in it; it is not practical or realistic. Eyes are very important for us to appreciate beauty but this ‘love’ is blind. I don’t believe this so called, ‘non practical’ people and love really exist in marriage.
I can understand love in all other relationships like the love we have for our family and friends but it gets complicated when it comes to our spouse. The relationship between a husband and wife cannot solely depend on the love we have for their good manners, character, behaviour and nature because here good looks too has an equal role. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves by believing that good looks should never be a priority in relationships but this doesn’t hold good when you need to have a physical relationship with a person. This attraction starts in your eyes and resides in your brain. Everyone who boasts that looks is not their priority to marry a person is certainly a very practical person who is either behind richness, power or fame. Though it may seem very crude but it is the truth.
It is true that it is not one’s fault if he or she isn’t good looking and we find those people immature who just want to marry a beautiful person; given that no person can be perfect in all aspects, I wonder who would be an ideal partner, a person who is good looking or a person who is rich or a person who is intelligent? Of course, good nature, manners and behaviour solely in no way can stand on its own counter-acting beauty, richness and intelligence.
Amit is rich, intelligent and a sweet natured person but still why does my innate instinct give priority to looks? Though my brain agrees with my decision of choosing Amit, why does my heart crave for a handsome guy? What exactly is this attraction? This attraction is short lived but until it lasts, it has a deep effect. We know that only good looks without good character is useless, Rohan made me think that probably good character without good looks is useless too. Me being the societal mature category, I have never given much importance to good looks but now Rohan’s experience has taught me to give it a serious thought.
I assumed once I get married, the physical attraction will surely crop in but Rohan’s situation makes me rethink my decision. The good values learnt from my elders to choose a caring and understanding partner seems baseless, everything is vital as long as it accompanies looks. Maybe even Amit is a practical person, willing to marry me only because I’m pretty. Don’t know how long this beauty will last, old age, accident, diseases and death can just ruin beauty but as long as it lasts it does have great weightage. Eyes and heart seems to have a strong connection, anything pleasing to the eyes is precious to the heart as well!
If someone is wrong in their thinking, then I, Rohan and Amit, all of us are wrong in our own way and if someone is right in their thinking, then I, Rohan and Amit, all of us are right in our own way.
Roshini Shetty
MDS in Oral and Maxillofacial Pathology, Certified Forensic Odontologist, Certified Laser Dentist, Researcher with patented innovations, Part-time Medical writer, Novelist, Short stories, Non-fiction and Flash Fiction writer.
I love playing violin, reading books, skating, playing carrom, Tarot card reading and trading in stock market.
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